Dear Santa… An education wish list

Dear Santa,

I know this is your busiest time of year, but amidst running your workshop, feeding your reindeer, checking your list (twice), and delivering all those toys, would you be kind enough to have a look at my school wish list? These are just suggestions; I certainly don’t expect everything, but some progress on one or two would be really helpful.

Invisible goal posts. Many children respond well to sporting analogies and I’d like a way to help explain how the new GCSE grades work. We could play a match where we know that there are goalposts, but aren’t allowed to know exactly where they are. Players can take shots at the end of the field and then, after the final whistle has blown, we can reveal where the goalposts were (adjusting them to allow only a few player’s attempts to count) and only then reveal the final score.

A new Progress 8 coefficient. I know I had one of these last year, so it isn’t very old, but it just doesn’t seem to be working properly. What I’d really like is a progress measure that measures progress and doesn’t get caught up in whether a school has got enough pupils doing particular qualifications.

A bucket. To be honest I’m not sure how I feel about buckets. I know they can be useful – you probably have one hanging off the back of your sleigh to clear up after the reindeer -and it seems that in English schools nowadays, everyone has to have their buckets full. The trouble is, I can’t seem to find the bucket I want. It’s called the ‘Really useful qualifications that help individual students fulfil their career aspirations, progress in life and become productive, responsible citizens within an egalitarian compassionate society’. If you could help with the search for this, that would be fantastic.

An understanding of the delegated SEND budget. My role at school is now focussed on inclusion and I have tried to understand how this funding works, but however hard I think about it, it doesn’t seem to make sense. The bible has been of some help: Jesus apparently fed 5000 people with a few loaves and fishes. This seems to equate closely to the funding model, but even in this example there is no explanation of what to do when more people turn up, undergo a lengthy assessment process, have their needs identified in an EHC Plan, and then schools receives additional funding of… well, nothing. 

A ticket to Shanghai. I’ve been hearing a lot about how well pupils do in Shanghai, particularly in maths, so I’d like to take a trip there. Hopefully I’ll be able to bring back some useful things: some resources and teaching methods yes, but also generous non contact time, a millennia-old appreciation of the value of learning, consistently high parental engagement, and an ingrained universal cultural respect for the status of the teaching profession, which also make up the full package.

Mousetrap. You know, the board game with lots of plastic bits that my mum said would only get lost. Not educational maybe but I put it on my Christmas list each Year through the 1970s. Thought I’d give it another go.

Thanks Santa, I’ll leave a mince pie, a nip of single malt, and a carrot for Rudolf by the fireplace as usual.
What’s on your list to Santa?

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